Storage units are probably the last place your furniture will visit before it belongs to somebody else. In the downward spiral of the economy, it’s nice to know that at least repo men, eviction notice printers and storage unit yards are a least a few growing businesses. But, like the TV show Storage Wars, is there treasure to be found? Here are 15 Unexpected Treasures Found in Storage Units.
Jessica Alba’s Christmas Decorations
It’s not so much of a surprise that the decorations were there, but that Jessica has so many, she needed a separate storage unit just to keep them all. It’s almost like renting out a second apartment for your stuff, except the second apartment really sucks and almost no one will attend a party there. Rumors that Jessica didn’t celebrate Christmas and worshipped the pagan god, Gorak, were immediately put to rest. Christmas lights anger the great Gorak!
Stinky Toys
Toys for Tots organizers actually need storage space because keeping that many toys in your house makes you look like a total weirdo if you don’t have 20 kids. Unfortunately, a skunk slipped into the unit and left a little “treasure” of his own. Now the toys are only good for tots born without a sense of smell.
A Human Head
Well, Hannibal Lecter did have a storage unit. Fortunately, the head in this case was actually a cadaver head from a medical school. It was found wrapped in a denim jacket under a pile of jeans. No word yet on whether the head was actually that of Lee jeans spokesman, Buddy Lee.
Bomb Parts
Being a stateless terrorist means you have no country to hide your bomb parts. Storage units in Norwood, Ohio finally gave Homeland Security a reason to exist when books on bomb making and various components were discovered. Fortunately, the Cincinnati Bomb Squad took care of it, leaving Homeland Security more time to make airports more miserable.
Cobras
It’s a good thing the guys in Storage Wars didn’t stumble into this unit. It would’ve required Billy the Exterminator, Steven Segal Lawman and at least one other reality show to help. In Florida, deadly cobras were discovered in a unit after it caught fire and the snakes tried to escape. Needless to say, that could’ve been a really cool scene if they ever remade the movie Backdraft.
Nintendo, Guns & Knives
No one is sure exactly what the owner of the storage unit had planned for Mario, but it wasn’t good. Storage unit buyer, David Dawson, stumbled onto the treasure for a purchase of just $15 in Knoxville, TN. No word yet on the fate of the Princess or Luigi.
TNT and C4
Only some kind of freedom-hating terrorist would store such weapons of destruction in something as unsecured as a storage unit. Well, that and the Corpus Christi Police Department. Barney Fife and the rest of the Keystone Cops bravely took the blame. Perhaps they should take a refresher course on fighting crime, rather that helping it happen.
$2,000 African Mask
Who knew witch doctor equipment was so expensive? No wonder few people on that continent can afford decent medical care. The mask was “discovered” by thieves robbing an Athens, Georgia man’s storage locker. They also took his computer. That combo is going to make for an interesting stop at the pawn shop.
Over 200 Cats
Cat ladies can sometimes over do it, and even they don’t like cats that much. Over 200 cats were found in a Pasadena, California storage unit. They were fed, but the litter boxes were another story. Let’s just say the turd fairy forgot to visit a few hundred times.
I.D. Theft Operation
Some businesses are more portable than others. In Denver, a storage unit buyer found an entire I.D. theft operation and drug paraphernalia. Naturally, he went to the police. Naturally, they told him to get lost, so naturally the police were later embarrassed by a local news team. Looks like somebody trained with the Corpus Christi PD.
Hundreds of Pounds of Human Ashes
In Colorado, a funeral home decided it would be cheaper to store their clients’ ashes in their storage unit, rather than spread them as they promised. Don’t worry, your relatives are in a better place, that is if you consider the building behind the U-haul a better place.
A Tree Trimming Truck and $100K Worth of Equipment
Apparently, trimming trees can be a very expensive process requiring expensive specialized tools in San Francisco. Whoever stole the truck and equipment knew at least that much before they stowed it in a storage unit. Police eventually charged the owner with stealing that and 77 cases of wine. Maybe he planned on getting drunk and going Paul Bunyan on the Pacific Northwest.
Dinosaur Skull
Nick Cage apparently likes to buy weird stuff, but doesn’t always keep it at his house. Rumor has it, he was in a bidding war with Leonardo DiCaprio over a Tarbosaurus skull. Maybe if he spent more time balancing his check book and less time at his storage locker, he wouldn’t have to think about selling that ancient head.
2800 Pounds of Illegal Fireworks
Although technically way more dangerous than the other explosives on this list, at least this one would make interesting colors and noises if it went off. Buena Park, California cops caught a man suspected of selling illegal fireworks and arrested him. Maybe they could send some guys to Corpus Christi and Denver for some special training seminars.
Dead Bodies
There are so many cases of dead bodies being discovered in storage units, you’d have to wonder if that funeral home didn’t have the right idea. Again and again and again, Google told us that people use storage units as a morgue away from a morgue.